Perhaps this is one of the most critical topics of our age. Because human beings no longer content themselves merely with living; they also want their living to be seen. They expect their service to be known, their beauty to be noticed, their opinion to be accepted, the good they do to be spoken of, and sometimes even their pain to be seen.
To be approved, to be seen, to be loved, and to be appreciated are, of course, human feelings. However, when a person’s whole life begins to be built upon being seen, an innocent need gradually turns into something else: the self revolving around itself…
Modern psychology explains some forms of this through the concept of “narcissism.” Of course, exhibiting certain narcissistic traits and Narcissistic Personality Disorder diagnosed by experts are not the same thing. For this reason, it would not be correct to slap the label of “narcissist” onto every arrogant, selfish, or self-admiring person.
The word “narcissism” does not appear in the Risale-i Nur either. However, conditions such as a person giving excessive value to oneself, not wanting to see one’s own faults, attributing success to oneself, feeling uneasy about another’s virtue, and placing one’s own ego at the center of life are addressed quite extensively through concepts such as ego, egotism, pride, self-admiration, boasting of one’s virtues, selfishness, hypocrisy/showing off, and seeking fame/reputation.
Bediuzzaman’s diagnosis regarding the human soul (nafs) explains our situation so clearly:
“By virtue of his innate nature and disposition, man loves his own soul. Perhaps he loves his own self first and primarily; he sacrifices everything else for his soul. He praises his soul in a manner worthy of the One worshipped; he sanctifies and clears his soul of faults with a sanctification worthy of the One worshipped…”
(The Words, The 26th Word – The Risale-i Nur Collection)
Human beings can indeed be strangely biased toward their own souls.
Another person’s anger is bad character, while our anger is a justified reaction. Another person’s pride is arrogance, while ours is self-confidence. We look for luck in another person’s success, but in our own success, we see our intelligence and effort. While attributing another person’s mistake to their character, we explain our own mistake through circumstances.
Because inside a human being, there is an invisible lawyer constantly defending oneself.
The following diagnosis made by Bediuzzaman regarding the soul (nafs) is precisely what we wish to explain:
“It constantly tries to make itself liked and loved. And it does not accept fault upon its own soul, but rather defends and acquits itself like a lawyer.”
(The Flashes / The 28th Flash – The Risale-i Nur Collection))
Here is the lawyer of the self inside the human being…
It wants to justify itself in every incident. Instead of apologizing, it produces excuses. Instead of accepting the fault, it lists the faults of the opposing side. Before asking the question “Where did I go wrong?”, it asks “Why did they do this to me?”
Perhaps one of the most dangerous aspects of narcissistic tendencies is this: After a while, the person begins to defend not the truth, but oneself.
The question “What is true?” is covered over.
In its place comes the question:
“How can I be proven right?”
When the Mirror Imagines Itself to Be the Sun
One of the places in the Risale-i Nur where the issue of selfhood is treated in the deepest manner is the subject of Ego in the Thirtieth Word.
Master Nursi says:
“The ‘Ego’ (I-ness/ego), just as it is the key to the hidden treasures of the Divine Names, is also the key to the complex talisman of the universe; it is a problem-solving enigma, a wonder-instilling talisman.”
(The Words, The 30th Word – The Risale-i Nur Collection)
The “Self” Is Not Evil in and of Itself
There is a wisdom in its being given to human beings. In Bediuzzaman’s expression, ego is a (hypothetical unit of measurement), that is, an imaginary measure that serves to help a human being understand certain truths.
A person says, “I own this house,” and from there considers the true Owner of the whole universe. From one’s own limited knowledge, one tries to understand infinite knowledge, and from one’s small mercy, infinite mercy.
When ego is used in this way, it becomes a window.
However, when a person begins to imagine this measure given as a trust to be real ownership, the window turns into a wall.
“I did it.”
“I earned it.”
“I succeeded.”
“My intelligence.”
“My beauty.”
“My position.”
“My work.”
After a while, the person begins to attribute what has been given to oneself as coming from oneself.
Here, perhaps, we can describe the spiritual tragedy of narcissism as follows:
The Mirror and the Sun
Yet, there is light in the mirror, but the source of the light is not the mirror.
There is beauty in a human being, but the human being did not create that beauty oneself. There is intelligence, but one did not construct one’s brain oneself. There is a beautiful voice, but one did not make one’s vocal cords oneself. There is talent, but one did not bring that talent into existence from nothing.
In life, nothing is a person’s own creation.
Master Nursi’s perspective here changes a person’s attitude toward oneself: Not to deny the beauty, but to read the source of the beauty correctly…
That is, looking at oneself not with (meaning on account of itself), but with (meaning on account of its Maker).
From “How beautiful I am” to “How beautifully I have been created”…
From “How intelligent I am” to “What a valuable mind has been given”…
From “I succeeded” to “Praise be to my Lord who gave me these opportunities and talents”…
From the outside, it seems like a very small word change.
However, in one, pride grows; in the other, gratitude.
Poisoned Honey
For the human being of our age, there is another side to the matter: Applause.
Perhaps in no age had human beings learned other people’s opinions about themselves so quickly.
We share a photo.
How many people liked it?
We write an article.
How many people read it?
We say a word.
How many people shared it?
We do a good deed.
Who saw it?
After a while, without being aware of it, we can begin to live our lives under the gaze of people.
The following expression in the Risale-i Nur makes a rather stern reminder to our soul (nafs) at this point:
“Fame is the very essence of hypocrisy and is a poisoned honey that kills the heart.”
Mesnevi-i Nuriye (The Epitomes of Light)
Because applause is sweet.
Being appreciated pleases a person. That people love us and like the work we do is, of course, not bad. The problem is that the soul begins to feed on this.
When a person begins to measure one’s value by the applause of people, one becomes their captive.
And the tragedy of the narcissistic self grows here: The people around one cease to be friends and turn into mirrors.
The one who praises me is a good person.
The one who criticizes is bad.
The one who supports me is a friend.
The one who is more successful than me is a rival.
The one who accepts my opinion is understanding.
The one who objects is problematic.
As a person lives like this, the number of one’s mirrors increases, but the number of one’s friends decreases.
Who Will Win?
Perhaps the hardest test of the narcissistic self is another person being more successful than oneself.
Because if the “self” is at the center, the rise of another feels like one’s own descent.
Yet the understanding of sincerity and brotherhood in the Risale-i Nur teaches the exact opposite of this.
This measure of Bediuzzaman is extremely important from this perspective:
“When you know your path and thoughts to be true, you have the right to say, ‘My path is true or better.’ But you do not have the right to say, ‘Only my path is true.’”
(the Letters, The 22 Letter –The Risale-i Nur Collection)
This sentence stands directly opposite the narcissistic mode of thought.
I may be right.
But all truths are not gathered in me.
I may be successful.
But another person’s success does not decrease my value.
I may perform a beautiful service.
But that service does not necessarily have to come out of my hand.
To the extent that a person can move from “Let me do it” to “So long as it gets done,” one begins to be saved from the invisible chains of one’s selfhood.
One of the best-known characteristics of narcissistic tendency is attributing success to oneself and failure to others.
The Qur’an, on the other hand, places a morality before a human being that works in the exact opposite way:
“Whatever good comes to you is from Allah; and whatever evil comes to you is from your own self.”
(Quran, 4/79)
This measure brings about a serious transformation in a person’s inner world.
When a beauty emerges: To be able to say “Allah granted it” instead of “I did it”…
When a fault emerges: To be able to ask “What is my share here?” instead of immediately blaming someone else…
Here is one of the questions that the soul (nafs) dislikes the most:
What is my share?
After an argument…
In a marriage problem…
When a friendship breaks down…
When a job fails…
Before the question “What did the other side do?”, a person turning to one’s own soul for once and being able to say “What did I do?” is a great moral maturity.
A Throne Made of Forty Broken Mirrors
When I think of narcissism, a strange scene sometimes comes to life in my mind.
A person is sitting upon a magnificent throne made of mirrors.
Looks to one’s right, sees oneself.
Turns to one’s left, again oneself.
In front of oneself, oneself.
In every place, one’s own image…
After a while, one begins to admire one’s image in the mirror.
Imagines oneself to be strong.
Imagines oneself to be indispensable.
Imagines oneself to be permanent.
But there is something one does not see:
That splendid throne made of mirrors is built upon a castle of sand.
And the sea is rising.
Youth goes.
Beauty changes.
Health can break down.
Positions change hands.
Wealth remains to someone else.
The famous names of one time are forgotten.
The applause falls silent.
The mirrors crack.
The sands are slowly pulled out from under the throne.
Right here, the truth of helplessness and poverty/destitution confronts the human being.
The Risale-i Nur does not humiliate the human being. It does not say “Hate yourself.” It does not destroy one’s personality.
On the contrary, it puts selfhood in its true place.
You are not the owner; you are the trustee.
You are not the source; you are the mirror.
You are not the one worshipped; you are the servant.
When this difference is understood, a very heavy burden falls from a person’s shoulders.
You do not have to control everything.
You do not have to be superior to everyone.
You do not have to win every argument.
Not everyone has to love you.
You are not at all obliged to prove yourself to everyone.
Because the source of your value is not the applause of people.
Perhaps the deepest answer presented by the Risale-i Nur against narcissism is hidden here: Not destroying the selfhood, but putting the selfhood in its place.
A person does not have to break the mirror.
One only needs to understand that the mirror is not the sun.
Beauty may appear in you; but the source is not you.
Talent may be found in you; but you did not create it.
Life may shine upon you; but you did not give life to yourself.
When the mirror understands this, it does not grow smaller.
On the contrary, it finds its true value.
Because the duty of the mirror is not to be the sun, but to show the sun.
Hâzâ min fadli Rabbî
(This is from the grace of my Lord)
Human beings were created not to be lost in the mirror of ‘selfhood’; but to recognize and know the Sovereign Owner of All Dominion, who bestowed life, intellect, grace, and every kind of ability upon them in the reflection of that mirror. May Allah grant it. Amen.
Allâhümme ecirnâ mine’r-riyâi ve’s-sum’âti ve’l-ucubi ve’l-fâhr
(O Allah! Protect us from hypocrisy, seeking fame/reputation, self-admiration, and boastfulness.)
